Aetās, Universum & Omnis

"To write is human, to edit is divine." - Stephen King

The fireplace in the bedroom breathes and crackles. I have just finished the writing part of what is quickly becoming my favorite book, "Dark Zen". It has taken me a very long time to write and I have abandoned her to entertain other muses for years at a time. When doing so, she has invaded my sleep and made all sorts of ultimatums and demands. She demanded to be completed.

Now comes the process of editing (and correcting a ton of typos, I presume). I am notoriously bad at it, but I will give it a shot at first. I actually have someone in mind to edit the book, but here lies the problem: I don't actually know her. This person has a tremendously strong voice herself. She reads the same books as I do, listen to the same music as I do, and uses the same exact verbal expressions as yours truly.

Here are the last words of Dark Zen:

And here we begin the last short chapter in this collection of thoughts, arisings and reflections. I feel the need to point out that you, dear reader, should not take anything at face value, not anything I have written, nor anything else. Everything under the sun and beyond should be scrutinized, dissected, and improved if at all possible. Everything should be laughed at and ridiculed, when there is need. I find myself more and more detached from the bullshit of the world around me. Sure, I live in these constructions and function in them like anyone else. I continue to be a ghost, riding a skeleton made of stardust on a convertible spaceship hurling hundreds of thousands of miles per second through the vacuum of space. But, once I have stared at the abyss of meaninglessness of existence, shed the childish preconceptions of any meaning of man-made contraptions, I find myself metaphorically standing on the same Mediterranean beach I stood twenty years ago, staring at the rising sun, waiting for my life actually to begin.


There will be no such transformation in store for me as the autumn of my life looms already in the horizon. I know what I am, and I know my place in order of things. The wine will not taste as sweet. No sensation will be as explosive and profound, as those I have felt and left behind. I have made a journey of discovery within myself, and through that journey I found the world, such as it is.


For the first time in this existence, I feel content.


The flame of restlessness of youth is moribund and withering now, turning into a cold, declarative low fire. I am content that there will be new discoveries made every day, although every such discovery reinforces the notion that I know next to nothing. I am content that I am allowed to create something new every day. I am content that I am no longer afraid of the darkness, but the darkness is afraid of me. I am content that I have had the opportunity to experience perhaps the longest period of peace in world history, and I recognise it can end any day. I am content that I have seen the technological and scientific progress from the 80s to this very day. I am content that I have loved and been loved, and that I have made peace with sorrow and loss I have encountered.


I am content that I have learned to choose quality over quantity, reason over rage, compassion over hate, and doubt over faith.
I am content that I have learned to be quiet when any word would do.