Reflections on an Ultimatum

I have to honestly admit I have pissed away half of the day and I feel angry over numerous things, yet again too many to mention. Is it the anger having caused me to organize my life badly today, or is it the fact that I have organized my life badly the primary cause of my anger? Perhaps it has been my recent attempts in brutal honesty towards the people whom I so dearly love that have set this mood. I should be above this kind of crap, but still I am here, contemplating this nonsense. [I received today's mail containing the company's bills and started processing them for the purchase ledger, and found out, that I couldn't remember what date it is. Couldn't remember the month either.] From late 2004 to 2006 I made some terribly bad "calls" and those "calls" still affect my existence today. The choices presented to me then came with a price to pay like it is customary with every choice an individual makes. There is no such thing as "win-win" situation. The following quotes from the great Robert Fripp creep into mind: "The necessary is possible. The optional is expensive. The unnecessary is unlikely" "Necessity is never far from what is real." I chose the "optional" as a career choice regarding my work in the hospitality industry and "unnecessary" as a career choice in the music industry. The ventures on both fields turned out to be expensive and set goals turned out to be unlikely. I have managed to discharge many tasks in my life superbly. I am not bragging, nor am I joking. I have nearly ruined my life failing at many other tasks miserably. This is not a lament, nor a joke. All this is nothing new in itself. I believe every man has come to crossroads more than once in his existence, that is, a man who has the capacity to self-reflect. This is again something I refuse to take for granted. To continue my exercises in brutal honesty, the root of my anger is as follows: I was recently presented with an option: a choice to make. It was written in as such, perhaps intended as such. However, it was written by someone who is in no position to present me in any kind of choices. Moreover, it was presented over a matter that involves no choice whatsoever. What it actually boiled down to - an ultimatum. Had it been coming from someone I know, or someone with any kind of "authority" over anything, I might have taken heed. I actually might have taken time to reflect on it. I presented the ultimatum to my inner circle. It was treated like every other ultimatum ever presented to us: with violent derision and contempt.