Excuse, a lame one

Well,

it is something like three weeks before the new business opens. I have told myself that I am way too busy to write a damn thing here, but it runs so much deeper than that. The observations shared in this medium take contemplation. The shorter ones, by the way, are just cryptic and pretentious dear-diary notes for myself.

I am not going to do any half-assed farcebook updates here about my daily activities. The social media is already filled with that garbage, and the world really does not need any of that. The commentary on human condition shall continue at some point. Right now, my duty lies elsewhere.  

3rd (from the Sun)

Can it still remain unresolved?

How it is

Fubar, a metric unit of contemporary weirdness. -Attributed to Sterling and Gibson-

Notes from the End of an Era (Nigh)

Running on auxiliary phantom power provided by caffeine, nicotine, pure anger, and sheer will. Scooping at the bottom of an once boundless and sound vessel, now empty and broken. It is too early to start even a rudimentary excersice in any kind of reflection, but I have found out where the limits of my physical performance are, and they are frighteningly far in the uncharted wastelands of pure exhaustion. I have ridden this flesh to the point of collapse, a personal armageddon, a doomsday, and an inner civil war, and then some. I have been questioned about my motive and purpose of doing so. I would kindly like to point out that since I do not remember asking an opinion on the issue, it is none of anyone's goddamn business, but I tell you this: The practical knowledge and theoretical data gathered from all this is nothing short of invaluable, although It didn't come without a price though. As a shared experience, the aforementioned is not for everyone. I acknowledge that even the secondary impact and the consequences must be hard to bear.

The second line of questioning has been about if I have chosen deliberately to arrange my priorities as mentioned above. The direct, and easy, answer is "no", but there are many layers in the question as there actually are in answers. We choose our responsibilities, but we do not necessarily choose what those responsibilities might bring in front of us. We will pay the price though. We choose the extent of our level of dedication to given responsibilities, but we may not always know how deep they run. All one can do then is learn the moves, or then choose to fail, which itself is not an option, but a lame excuse for unprofessional, mediocre and talentless bullshit.

When increasingly complex metaphysical constructs, such as priorities and ethics, are discussed, one would do well in remembering that the answers are proportionately complex. If we mirror this against "singularities", such as "trigger events/choices" which lead to other events and repercussion, a "singularity" is easy to identify, and isolate, from the stream and arrow of time, as opposed to multi-lateral constructs which have their roots in a lifetime of learning experiences, memories (the understanding and interpretation thereof), social and economical circumstances (and their primary and secondary impacts as results), mental abilities, and performance, to name a few, it is not  difficult to realize that we are discussing very different entities.

If we follow the trail and do the aproppriate math, we find out that we are observing phenomenon that is entirely personal. Its subjectiveness is open to discussion. I propose it depends on how on the level of decision making and the level-of-participation-to-this-world of the subject, or the lack thereof. You can't kill what you don't understand. We are faced every day with tasks and chores we really do not want to do, but they must be done. It might not seem important or imperative, especially if one looks at the contemporary half-assed way of doing things in the face of increasing demands of economical productiveness. I see direct parallels between accepting a shitty product, doing a shitty job, and not generally giving a shit. It is therefore a choice, and once again, it does not matter if it is a conscious one. If a person is too dumb to realize that a choice was made, that person is already a lost cause. Those who dwell on the lap of modern luxury have the potential to do whatever they want to do, be whatever they want to be, and excercise virtually limitless freedom of speech and choice while they are at it. The era in which we live offers unpreceded choices to individuals regardless of their social status at birth.

All you have to do is get the fuck up and do something, but if you choose not to, then don't hate the player, hate the game.    

Lucy fears the morning star

Well, now.

Once again, I have been reminded that people are not interested in how things are. The subjective first person perspective laced with galactic proportions of self-deception, and how one "feels" about things and how they are, seems to be the preferred choice of tackling real life situations. The core and the essence of what-has-happened, why, and serving what purpose, are avoided and then nullified by senseless ad-hoc and ad-hominem. Nothing gets done, nothing gets resolved. The center of personal gravity is not held as the tail wags the dog. Actually, there is no person, no center, just different personalities arguing and fighting in a single input/output matrix. One would be wise to remember that everything a human being does has its origins in selfish motives. The utmost glorification and manifestation of this id-driven abomination is Satanism, or ethical egoism, and all the "philosophies" of that kind. It is an insult to call the aforementioned a "philosophy/ies", because they involve absolutely nothing that resembles higher multi-lateral thinking, thought even in its most rudimental form, or reason for that matter. They are all about fulfilling personal needs and desires: I want, I need, I will. And, it really does not matter if there is any real premise behind any of the desires. They are real because someone thought or felt them? They are good because they feel good? I am what I am and I do not need to adjust my output in any way, or re-adjust my worldview as a fundamental cognitive orientation of an individual? The rest of the world should just adjust to these fallacies? I don't think so. It is curious to note that Satanism, or ethical egoism, emphasizes the fact that a human being (in its lowest manifestation) is essentially an animal fulfilling its desires. It apparently also means voluntarily giving up human rights, correct? You have been wronged or mistreated? Call the fucking WWF or PETA.  

What sets apart any higher being from the aforementioned is reason and diligence, and the will and willingness to manifest, cultivate, and further develop the faculties of reason and diligence. Reason and diligence then, if allowed to manifest, will transmutate into complete inner architecture. The inner architecture allows a single person, a complete mind, to inhabit a single input/output matrix, namely, a body. It should not matter if an inner architecture is born or bred, in a sense genetic or environmental, in its origin. A complete mind as a single person driven by reason and diligence, as opposed to id-driven mess, will become a responsible being. A responsible being has the potential to obtain a high enough level-of-participation-to-this-world to Be. To Be, as opposed to lingering, drifting, and merely existing. With high enough level-of-participation-to-this-world arrives respect, kindness and goodwill towards other beings.  

I have observed people willing to piss away everything worth existing for, for a distorted view of reality and a half-assed feeling that is subject to change. I have observed people willing to destroy everything they claim to love for a fantasy. I have observed utter waste of resources and chances given out of love, selflessness, generosity and sacrifice, and I have observed all that being thrown back to the face of the benefactor as an insult.

But then, we can do whatever we like, provided we can pay the bill.

Prophesy

Originally written in Fall 2009:

An austere and a passionless state of being. The sensation of detachement grows as the reveries subside. The Elysian Fields of yesterday linger in a dreamlike vapor and the glorious Ignis Fatuus remains as a suffocating flame, moribund and withering. I can almost touch the flame, with trembling hands, I can.

And there will be the Third, and the Third will be the end of all.

Ides of March

Whiffs of clarity
And universal understanding
Come and go

I'm too young and too old
To continue this worthless fight
I've seen through the darkness
To understand the value of light

Though I seek validity
From the Ides of March
I watch the darkness
Open its jaws
Whatever presence
That graced my spirit
Is for whomever
I choose to inherit

--Sven Atle Kopperud

Hurt

Unexpected news arrived. I guess I should have seen it coming. However, I was more surprised by my own reaction to the aforementioned. How remarkably strange.

Equilibrium

Repeat thou not extravagant speech, neither listen thou to it,
for it is the utterance of one not in equilibrium.
Speak thou not of it, so that he before thee may know wisdom. 
Silence is of great profit. An abundance of speech profiteth nothing. 
Exalt not thine heart above the children of men, lest it be brought lower than the dust. 
--unknown

Pale Sun

December

"'Cos it's never the hours that turn us into liars
But people, the people, you spend them with"

-Miles Hunt