The August of 2009 will always bear the stigma of being one of the most difficult, appalling and destructive months in my travels on this planet. I have survived unspeakable horror and loss in my life, and I am not comparing the events of August 2009 to those distant memories of sadness and grief. However...
...August left too many quenstions unanswered. Questions of motive, meaning and reason. I cannot, and choose not to, live without the aforementioned. My actions and choices are always with intent, and I do my very best to understand the consequenses of my actions, even at a point where I find myself physically and mentally exhausted and utterly spent. The nights have offered no refuge or shelter from the reality of what has taken place. The bliss of sleep has kept itself waiting, and after too few moments of torn dreams, the morning has greeted me without consolation and hope. The stranger in the bathroom mirror resembles nothing I am familiar with.
"...Oh Gods, come and take me away, from all this that I know by heart, I turn to face the sun,
and my steps are uneasy, I am so frightened of what we have become..."
The September may bring something else, forgetfulness at least. It may bring a hint of joy, but right now, I just want to forget. Forgetting is sufficient enough for I have no high hopes or dreams anymore. May the ignorance pave the way for a distant future, in whatever form it might present itself.
"... and dreamless I, drown again, in the shadow of the fading stars, a black Saturn and a dying Sun..."
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