Season's End

I've been reading a certain manuscript lately, actually two manuscripts, of yet unpublished bodies of work. Both share, in broad strokes, a similar perspective, and there are a lot of interesting parallels between the train of thought of both authors. To my understanding, the difference between these two bodies of work is that one of them is a journal of actual events, and the second is, to a degree, a fictional book, but dealing with real life characters. I enjoy both works immensely, and feel very privileged to be among the first on the planet to read those words in front of me.

In the wee hours last night I fell through pages discussing work ethics, unfinished work, and generally what do we do with our time. I swear I already hear someone retorting that "time is an illusion", but whatever time is, it does not change the fact, and the fundamental laws, of causality and repercussions. I started thinking about all the unfinished projects lying around in hard drives as ones and zeroes, and of course, those in real life.

I can always rationalize my underachievement with my real life responsibilities. I can always tell myself that "one day" I will have the time to finish all the work pending. The fact is, I do not have the time, and that "one day" will never come, and to suggest anything else is utmost stupidity. That is, unless I make the time. In less than ten weeks, a season comes to an end. My own world will tilt a little closer to the sun, as a time of unprecedented qualities arrives. The question is for me personally, what do I do with the time and freedom given, well, actually, "taken". The last four years have been plagued with a clusterfuck of unfortunate and unnecessary events, soul destroying consequences, and general dissatisfaction. A time of great disappointment. I cannot, and will not, attribute these failures to anyone but myself. With my shortcomings, and goings, the fault lies nowhere else. I have always taken great pride that I will not succumb to common human fallacies, therefore I must take the blame and carry the cross I have placed upon my shoulders. The question is whether I get myself nailed to it or not.